When did “Alpha Male” in Romance become synonymous with “total asshole douchebag”? Men like that aren’t attractive in real life, why would they be in books? Okay, so books are fantasy, and there’s always the appeal of the bad boy. But who fantasises about being treated badly by a git? And alpha male and bad boy are not even the same archetypes anyway.
What an alpha male is to me.
A leader, possessing natural authority. He’s intelligent. Charismatic. Attractive – literally, not in the physical sense. He doesn’t have to be good looking, but he can still have magnetism. He’s motivated, driven, possibly quite intense. He gets stuff done. He usually has a healthy sized ego. Confident, assertive, ambitious. Demanding of high standards — mostly from himself. A man of his word.
None of this precludes being kind, gentle, forgiving, patient, funny, witty, sensitive, romantic, or having a sense of humour. Nor does it mean he can never show pain or weakness. It doesn’t mean he can never apologise or admit to being wrong. Hell, admitting being wrong and apologising are signs of strength and good character.
What alpha males seem to have become.
insensitive, bossy, arrogant, moody, broody, unpredictable, demanding, stubborn. Egotistical, greedy, selfish and, frankly, stupid bullies. None of that says alpha to me. That says insecurity covered by what they think is strength. Repellent, not attractive. Intimidation in place of natural authority.
A real alpha male isn’t bossy, he’s just the boss. People follow him because he inspires loyalty and faith. A real alpha doesn’t need to assert his power, it’s apparent when he walks in a room. He doesn’t abuse, intimidate or bully those weaker than him, he protects them. A real alpha male is a knight.
That’s the kind of alpha male I want to read about and see getting a happy ending. They deserve it. The douche-bag guys? Screw them, nobody deserves to put up with their BS.